I have to examine myself and ask why I buy (or bought) into...
I think that ultimately everyone needs something to belong to. Some feeling of family, community, and ritual. I bought into many things I no longer can believe in because ultimately I found a group of people that I wanted to belong to. The friends and community I found were so great that I would do anything, believe anything, in order to keep them. I now realize how eager to please I was, how foolish, how hasty.
Faith is different than religion. Belonging to a group affiliated with a religion is also much different than faith or religion. It's a problem of interpretation and worldview. I have worked with 4 different groups within the same "religion" and their views, ideals, and values that they glean and stamp as "this is being religious/Catholic" are completely different. Therefore I conclude that there is not an answer to what it means in terms of comprehensive moral/value system and worldview.
I have been associated with 3 "Outreach Ministries" and each had their own views on what "evangelization" really meant and how to go about it. Isn't it as simple as loving people? Doesn't that mean more for doing God's work than anything related to your specific interpretation of dogma or religion? Why can't we simply meet people where they are, and love them unconditionally.... why must we push them into a cookie cutter of behavior? Isn't loving people more important than anything? I am done with "moral authority" and arrogant views of 'saving people' and 'holier than thou' concepts. I'm going back to the only square that matters, loving others for exactly who they are, not who we want them to be.
at this point I have seen the contradictions and am forced to forge my own path as to what being a person of faith means. My faith has given me much, but it has stripped me of much. This is why I must restart, I must trust that my faith will fix me and I will find my answers.
As for the starting point, I only have one core belief to start on, love.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Problems and Contradictions
I've been thinking long and hard about my concept of religion and my involvement with it. I have come up with some problems and contradictions that will need to be resolved if I am to continue....
- Being a cradle Catholic (or cradle anything for that matter) tends to do a few harmful things to spirituality, at least in my experience. It teaches you not to ask the hard questions and to accept textbook answers. It puts God and your own spirituality in a box, and doesn't breed non-conformity and experimentation. It tells you how to pray, and what to pray, and to whom to pray... essentially some people's teaching of religion prevents you from searching on a path other than a prescribed one.
- It asks you to believe in something simply because other people have said it is so. I feel sometimes like we are to believe in things without question, without exploration, simply because we are asked to believe that it is "truth"
- It lays out a set of rules and a way of living and classifies it as "Catholic Living." Perhaps this is a clash between conservative values and my own. But I still have conflict with being told I am not living "Christian" because my interpretation of values and worldview does not match up with the "rules" or a certain person or organization's interpretation of what it means.
all for right now.
- Being a cradle Catholic (or cradle anything for that matter) tends to do a few harmful things to spirituality, at least in my experience. It teaches you not to ask the hard questions and to accept textbook answers. It puts God and your own spirituality in a box, and doesn't breed non-conformity and experimentation. It tells you how to pray, and what to pray, and to whom to pray... essentially some people's teaching of religion prevents you from searching on a path other than a prescribed one.
- It asks you to believe in something simply because other people have said it is so. I feel sometimes like we are to believe in things without question, without exploration, simply because we are asked to believe that it is "truth"
- It lays out a set of rules and a way of living and classifies it as "Catholic Living." Perhaps this is a clash between conservative values and my own. But I still have conflict with being told I am not living "Christian" because my interpretation of values and worldview does not match up with the "rules" or a certain person or organization's interpretation of what it means.
all for right now.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
First Step - There exists a spiritual force, God
I'm going on the belief that there is in fact a God, he/she exists. This isn't just blind faith, there are several proofs, but I'm going on what I come to see as a truth about human nature that necessitates God.
1.) I'm disregarding the creationist or evolutionist theories, how we got here is immaterial. We exist.
2.) Mankind possesses capacity and characteristics that are counter-survival, and therefore not a result of direct evolutionary nature.
a.) Love - love is an irrational force that does not contribute to the survival of the species. The capacity for love makes man risk, dare, sacrifice, and be vulnerable. Love also leads to the exclusivity of marriage, dating, etc. that is in counter to the instinct of a species to procreate as much as possible with disregard to romance or exclusivity (unless rival males are fighting for dominance, etc.)
b.) Most of the spectrum of human emotion are counter-survival. Grief, jealously, anger, guilt, joy, excitement, etc. are all things that put humans in vulnerable states of mind and experience, they all compromise vigilance.
3.) Existential Thought. - the very fact that I can think about a higher type of power can mean that it exists. The capacity for existential thought cannot be accounted for by scientific method. It is counter-survival, doesn't serve to benefit the species physically. In my mind it can only be explained as the compass given to us to find something... and that something I believe is God.
4.) The Human Spirit and Longing -- I hunger b/c I need to eat. I thirst b/c I need to drink. I long for wholeness because I require purpose and meaning to live. I long for something that I cannot provide solely within myself. This longing to me also suggests that the thing I am longing for and seeking exists.
I could go on, but that's part of it. I'm starting with my belief that God does exist.
Now it's on to the harder part.... finding where God's footprints are left in this world, where the clues to finding a sense of God lay.
I've been raised as a Catholic... I considered myself a Catholic and a Christian. However I no longer know what that even means.
My gifts and restlessness as a seeker lead me to believe there is something I need to find, and that God is not meant to be put into a box by institutions and those who claim to be the interpreters of "right" and "wrong" from here on out, I will let God move me to my ends.
1.) I'm disregarding the creationist or evolutionist theories, how we got here is immaterial. We exist.
2.) Mankind possesses capacity and characteristics that are counter-survival, and therefore not a result of direct evolutionary nature.
a.) Love - love is an irrational force that does not contribute to the survival of the species. The capacity for love makes man risk, dare, sacrifice, and be vulnerable. Love also leads to the exclusivity of marriage, dating, etc. that is in counter to the instinct of a species to procreate as much as possible with disregard to romance or exclusivity (unless rival males are fighting for dominance, etc.)
b.) Most of the spectrum of human emotion are counter-survival. Grief, jealously, anger, guilt, joy, excitement, etc. are all things that put humans in vulnerable states of mind and experience, they all compromise vigilance.
3.) Existential Thought. - the very fact that I can think about a higher type of power can mean that it exists. The capacity for existential thought cannot be accounted for by scientific method. It is counter-survival, doesn't serve to benefit the species physically. In my mind it can only be explained as the compass given to us to find something... and that something I believe is God.
4.) The Human Spirit and Longing -- I hunger b/c I need to eat. I thirst b/c I need to drink. I long for wholeness because I require purpose and meaning to live. I long for something that I cannot provide solely within myself. This longing to me also suggests that the thing I am longing for and seeking exists.
I could go on, but that's part of it. I'm starting with my belief that God does exist.
Now it's on to the harder part.... finding where God's footprints are left in this world, where the clues to finding a sense of God lay.
I've been raised as a Catholic... I considered myself a Catholic and a Christian. However I no longer know what that even means.
My gifts and restlessness as a seeker lead me to believe there is something I need to find, and that God is not meant to be put into a box by institutions and those who claim to be the interpreters of "right" and "wrong" from here on out, I will let God move me to my ends.
Square One
I've decided to move forward by starting over spiritually. I'm throwing out everything I've been taught and grown up with. I can no longer belong to a creed because of a need for a sense of belonging and ritual.... It's time to reexamine my religious beliefs and affiliation. I am actually surprised and saddened that most of my religious beliefs come from other people's interpretations of what being "Christian" means and I need to take perspective on this. It's time to see how well this sense of tradition holds up, it's finally time to find the God who is...
I'm scared to death, but this has to be done.
I'm scared to death, but this has to be done.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Spiritual Freedom
Freedom. It is something that has as many definitions as there are people. There is political freedom, our rights and protections against oppression by force or tyranny of the majority. There is freedom of consciousness, liberation from cultural norms and standards that are imposed upon us by the cultural minefield of societal relations. There is freedom of thought, to allow ourselves to be open to the ever flowing river of ideas and ideologies that we are exposed to in our lives. But what is true freedom for the seeker? What is freedom of spirituality?
True freedom is like a leaf on the wind. There is a sense of trust within the leaf; that the unpredictable winds move with purpose to carry it where is it meant to travel and eventually rest. The leaf on the wind soars because it does not fight the wind, it does not cling to the ground or the tree from which it comes. It lets go of where its nature and its time on the tree has shown it where it should be and how it must exist. It lets go of all other considerations and pressures except for the indomitable will of the winds of change.
So often we cling to our own chains for a sense of security. The man in the cell knows his routine, his days, and his values. We hold onto our upbringing and values instilled in us by our parents and what our life experiences have told us what we should be. We let others impose their values and beliefs on us, and we fear becoming outsiders if we do not follow a group or individual’s definition of right and wrong. We fundamentally fear doing what we believe because it goes against the foundation of whatever institutional beliefs we attempt to cling to.
Within all of us, there exists a point where we are infused with a divine spark, that which makes us human. That point is where we can be moved as the leaf on the wind. Freedom is in listening only to that voice of God inside, the voice and knowledge that moves us towards our purpose if only we can listen. If you have the courage and the trust to listen and act upon that voice, nothing can touch or harm you. No amount of pressure or condemnation can bring you down; you can soar far above the storm that brews below. Trust in that wind, God in the deepest reaches of your soul. Trust in the gifts that God instilled in you to become the seeker of truth. God is revealed everywhere, if only we can step away from our narrow scopes. If you follow what you are moved to do and believe, you can trust and believe that you are doing right, living as God intended you. No two seekers will follow the same path or the same beliefs, but we all must recognize that we all seek the same goal in our own unique way. God leads us to our path; each must choose to follow that path according to our own gifts, God lays us each our own way to follow.
The community of seekers all walk through the same trials, doubts, and struggles of faith and life. We must support each other in our ventures, and trust in each other to rightly judge the path laid before them. Love is our goal, trust is our weapon, faith is our guide. Together we are strong, individually we are mighty. God will show you your way, if only you can quiet your heart and mind to hear him and the trust to follow your heart no matter what waves crash about you…
My Lord God,I have no idea where I am going
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please
you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all
that I am doing.
And I know that if I do this, you
will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death, I will
not fear, for you are ever with me
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.
~Thomas Merton
True freedom is like a leaf on the wind. There is a sense of trust within the leaf; that the unpredictable winds move with purpose to carry it where is it meant to travel and eventually rest. The leaf on the wind soars because it does not fight the wind, it does not cling to the ground or the tree from which it comes. It lets go of where its nature and its time on the tree has shown it where it should be and how it must exist. It lets go of all other considerations and pressures except for the indomitable will of the winds of change.
So often we cling to our own chains for a sense of security. The man in the cell knows his routine, his days, and his values. We hold onto our upbringing and values instilled in us by our parents and what our life experiences have told us what we should be. We let others impose their values and beliefs on us, and we fear becoming outsiders if we do not follow a group or individual’s definition of right and wrong. We fundamentally fear doing what we believe because it goes against the foundation of whatever institutional beliefs we attempt to cling to.
Within all of us, there exists a point where we are infused with a divine spark, that which makes us human. That point is where we can be moved as the leaf on the wind. Freedom is in listening only to that voice of God inside, the voice and knowledge that moves us towards our purpose if only we can listen. If you have the courage and the trust to listen and act upon that voice, nothing can touch or harm you. No amount of pressure or condemnation can bring you down; you can soar far above the storm that brews below. Trust in that wind, God in the deepest reaches of your soul. Trust in the gifts that God instilled in you to become the seeker of truth. God is revealed everywhere, if only we can step away from our narrow scopes. If you follow what you are moved to do and believe, you can trust and believe that you are doing right, living as God intended you. No two seekers will follow the same path or the same beliefs, but we all must recognize that we all seek the same goal in our own unique way. God leads us to our path; each must choose to follow that path according to our own gifts, God lays us each our own way to follow.
The community of seekers all walk through the same trials, doubts, and struggles of faith and life. We must support each other in our ventures, and trust in each other to rightly judge the path laid before them. Love is our goal, trust is our weapon, faith is our guide. Together we are strong, individually we are mighty. God will show you your way, if only you can quiet your heart and mind to hear him and the trust to follow your heart no matter what waves crash about you…
My Lord God,I have no idea where I am going
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please
you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all
that I am doing.
And I know that if I do this, you
will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death, I will
not fear, for you are ever with me
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.
~Thomas Merton
They Never Walk Alone
There are times in life when we feel that we are walking scared and alone down a dark and lonely road. When we’re in a dead end and see no way out. When we lose someone we love. When we are hurting and feel the pain will never end. When we fall and no one catches us. When we cry alone. When we meet overwhelming obstacles. When we fight. When we strike out on our own. When we meet with tragedy. When our lives are unfair. When the weight of the world crashes down around us…
But the road only seems dark and lonely until you raise your eyes from the ground. Then you’ll see the ones who love you and the ones you love walking with you, side by side. Then you’ll see the ones who have gone before you lighting your way. Then you’ll see the one who loves you most behind you, urging you down the right path, ready to catch you when you fall.
In the end, it is up to each one of us to realize that the road is only dark if we choose it. The journey lonely only if we don’t have the courage to ask for help. The path endless only if we only live for ourselves.
The road we walk is the road we choose, and we never walk alone…
But the road only seems dark and lonely until you raise your eyes from the ground. Then you’ll see the ones who love you and the ones you love walking with you, side by side. Then you’ll see the ones who have gone before you lighting your way. Then you’ll see the one who loves you most behind you, urging you down the right path, ready to catch you when you fall.
In the end, it is up to each one of us to realize that the road is only dark if we choose it. The journey lonely only if we don’t have the courage to ask for help. The path endless only if we only live for ourselves.
The road we walk is the road we choose, and we never walk alone…
Second Chances
Life is all about second chances, but those real chances are rare in life. If you’ve been down in the darkness, then you understand how hard it is to climb out. It gets harder the further you fall because fewer and fewer people are willing to risk their hand to pull you out. Soon the world becomes a harsh and unforgiving place, a place without hope.
But if there is one thing I have learned it is this. It only takes one. It only takes one risk, one chance, one person with eyes to see beyond, just one hand to forgive and forget. This kind of person is rare, because so much of our view is clouded by reputations gained in our pasts. But those with the vision of the heart have a gift. This gift allows them to see through the pain, see through to the best in each of us. The vision of the heart allows the seer to call out the people we are meant to be.
But if there is one thing I have learned it is this. It only takes one. It only takes one risk, one chance, one person with eyes to see beyond, just one hand to forgive and forget. This kind of person is rare, because so much of our view is clouded by reputations gained in our pasts. But those with the vision of the heart have a gift. This gift allows them to see through the pain, see through to the best in each of us. The vision of the heart allows the seer to call out the people we are meant to be.
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