I have to examine myself and ask why I buy (or bought) into...
I think that ultimately everyone needs something to belong to. Some feeling of family, community, and ritual. I bought into many things I no longer can believe in because ultimately I found a group of people that I wanted to belong to. The friends and community I found were so great that I would do anything, believe anything, in order to keep them. I now realize how eager to please I was, how foolish, how hasty.
Faith is different than religion. Belonging to a group affiliated with a religion is also much different than faith or religion. It's a problem of interpretation and worldview. I have worked with 4 different groups within the same "religion" and their views, ideals, and values that they glean and stamp as "this is being religious/Catholic" are completely different. Therefore I conclude that there is not an answer to what it means in terms of comprehensive moral/value system and worldview.
I have been associated with 3 "Outreach Ministries" and each had their own views on what "evangelization" really meant and how to go about it. Isn't it as simple as loving people? Doesn't that mean more for doing God's work than anything related to your specific interpretation of dogma or religion? Why can't we simply meet people where they are, and love them unconditionally.... why must we push them into a cookie cutter of behavior? Isn't loving people more important than anything? I am done with "moral authority" and arrogant views of 'saving people' and 'holier than thou' concepts. I'm going back to the only square that matters, loving others for exactly who they are, not who we want them to be.
at this point I have seen the contradictions and am forced to forge my own path as to what being a person of faith means. My faith has given me much, but it has stripped me of much. This is why I must restart, I must trust that my faith will fix me and I will find my answers.
As for the starting point, I only have one core belief to start on, love.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Problems and Contradictions
I've been thinking long and hard about my concept of religion and my involvement with it. I have come up with some problems and contradictions that will need to be resolved if I am to continue....
- Being a cradle Catholic (or cradle anything for that matter) tends to do a few harmful things to spirituality, at least in my experience. It teaches you not to ask the hard questions and to accept textbook answers. It puts God and your own spirituality in a box, and doesn't breed non-conformity and experimentation. It tells you how to pray, and what to pray, and to whom to pray... essentially some people's teaching of religion prevents you from searching on a path other than a prescribed one.
- It asks you to believe in something simply because other people have said it is so. I feel sometimes like we are to believe in things without question, without exploration, simply because we are asked to believe that it is "truth"
- It lays out a set of rules and a way of living and classifies it as "Catholic Living." Perhaps this is a clash between conservative values and my own. But I still have conflict with being told I am not living "Christian" because my interpretation of values and worldview does not match up with the "rules" or a certain person or organization's interpretation of what it means.
all for right now.
- Being a cradle Catholic (or cradle anything for that matter) tends to do a few harmful things to spirituality, at least in my experience. It teaches you not to ask the hard questions and to accept textbook answers. It puts God and your own spirituality in a box, and doesn't breed non-conformity and experimentation. It tells you how to pray, and what to pray, and to whom to pray... essentially some people's teaching of religion prevents you from searching on a path other than a prescribed one.
- It asks you to believe in something simply because other people have said it is so. I feel sometimes like we are to believe in things without question, without exploration, simply because we are asked to believe that it is "truth"
- It lays out a set of rules and a way of living and classifies it as "Catholic Living." Perhaps this is a clash between conservative values and my own. But I still have conflict with being told I am not living "Christian" because my interpretation of values and worldview does not match up with the "rules" or a certain person or organization's interpretation of what it means.
all for right now.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
First Step - There exists a spiritual force, God
I'm going on the belief that there is in fact a God, he/she exists. This isn't just blind faith, there are several proofs, but I'm going on what I come to see as a truth about human nature that necessitates God.
1.) I'm disregarding the creationist or evolutionist theories, how we got here is immaterial. We exist.
2.) Mankind possesses capacity and characteristics that are counter-survival, and therefore not a result of direct evolutionary nature.
a.) Love - love is an irrational force that does not contribute to the survival of the species. The capacity for love makes man risk, dare, sacrifice, and be vulnerable. Love also leads to the exclusivity of marriage, dating, etc. that is in counter to the instinct of a species to procreate as much as possible with disregard to romance or exclusivity (unless rival males are fighting for dominance, etc.)
b.) Most of the spectrum of human emotion are counter-survival. Grief, jealously, anger, guilt, joy, excitement, etc. are all things that put humans in vulnerable states of mind and experience, they all compromise vigilance.
3.) Existential Thought. - the very fact that I can think about a higher type of power can mean that it exists. The capacity for existential thought cannot be accounted for by scientific method. It is counter-survival, doesn't serve to benefit the species physically. In my mind it can only be explained as the compass given to us to find something... and that something I believe is God.
4.) The Human Spirit and Longing -- I hunger b/c I need to eat. I thirst b/c I need to drink. I long for wholeness because I require purpose and meaning to live. I long for something that I cannot provide solely within myself. This longing to me also suggests that the thing I am longing for and seeking exists.
I could go on, but that's part of it. I'm starting with my belief that God does exist.
Now it's on to the harder part.... finding where God's footprints are left in this world, where the clues to finding a sense of God lay.
I've been raised as a Catholic... I considered myself a Catholic and a Christian. However I no longer know what that even means.
My gifts and restlessness as a seeker lead me to believe there is something I need to find, and that God is not meant to be put into a box by institutions and those who claim to be the interpreters of "right" and "wrong" from here on out, I will let God move me to my ends.
1.) I'm disregarding the creationist or evolutionist theories, how we got here is immaterial. We exist.
2.) Mankind possesses capacity and characteristics that are counter-survival, and therefore not a result of direct evolutionary nature.
a.) Love - love is an irrational force that does not contribute to the survival of the species. The capacity for love makes man risk, dare, sacrifice, and be vulnerable. Love also leads to the exclusivity of marriage, dating, etc. that is in counter to the instinct of a species to procreate as much as possible with disregard to romance or exclusivity (unless rival males are fighting for dominance, etc.)
b.) Most of the spectrum of human emotion are counter-survival. Grief, jealously, anger, guilt, joy, excitement, etc. are all things that put humans in vulnerable states of mind and experience, they all compromise vigilance.
3.) Existential Thought. - the very fact that I can think about a higher type of power can mean that it exists. The capacity for existential thought cannot be accounted for by scientific method. It is counter-survival, doesn't serve to benefit the species physically. In my mind it can only be explained as the compass given to us to find something... and that something I believe is God.
4.) The Human Spirit and Longing -- I hunger b/c I need to eat. I thirst b/c I need to drink. I long for wholeness because I require purpose and meaning to live. I long for something that I cannot provide solely within myself. This longing to me also suggests that the thing I am longing for and seeking exists.
I could go on, but that's part of it. I'm starting with my belief that God does exist.
Now it's on to the harder part.... finding where God's footprints are left in this world, where the clues to finding a sense of God lay.
I've been raised as a Catholic... I considered myself a Catholic and a Christian. However I no longer know what that even means.
My gifts and restlessness as a seeker lead me to believe there is something I need to find, and that God is not meant to be put into a box by institutions and those who claim to be the interpreters of "right" and "wrong" from here on out, I will let God move me to my ends.
Square One
I've decided to move forward by starting over spiritually. I'm throwing out everything I've been taught and grown up with. I can no longer belong to a creed because of a need for a sense of belonging and ritual.... It's time to reexamine my religious beliefs and affiliation. I am actually surprised and saddened that most of my religious beliefs come from other people's interpretations of what being "Christian" means and I need to take perspective on this. It's time to see how well this sense of tradition holds up, it's finally time to find the God who is...
I'm scared to death, but this has to be done.
I'm scared to death, but this has to be done.
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